I am currently at Mother's house, supposedly doing some shopping for the arrival of the baby. But yesterday was spent with my nieces, OMG, these kids...Pening kepala I tau.

They are still cute, but older, hence, more demanding, kuat merajuk, lebih strong willed aka degil, easily distracted (short attention span) and super active for a pregnant woman to handle.

Sorang nak pergi pet shop, sorang nak naik pony ride, sorang nak makan ice cream, sorang merajuk sebab sorang lagi ambil sudu dia, sorang nak pergi kencing, sorang nak Lego, sorang nak Barbie Doll, sorang nak Monster High (this one, I tell you, umur baru 4 tahun tapi obsess dengan Monster High, I am like, oiii, tu cerita budak besar lahhh!!!!)

Last-last balik rumah, my husband yang pengsan. Haha!

Niece A is the only child, clueless about pregnancy and stuff, so when she saw my belly, she went, "Besarnya perut Auntie Ectopy!"
Me: Yes...Do you know what's inside?
Niece A: I don't know. Tapi perut Papa 90 kali lagi besarrrr!!!

Hahahahaha!

Niece B semi gently pat on my tummy (more like knocking on it) and said, "Ada baby dalam perut Auntie Ectopy!"
Me: Pandai...Yes, ada baby dalam perut Auntie Ectopy.
Niece B: Hari tu, saya pergi hospital dengan Mama. Mama kata baby keluar ikut 'honey'! (Then, she pointed to her 'honey')

True, but still funny for a four-year-old kid to acquire that knowledge! Hahahahaha!

Anyway, today pulak, my husband made plans for his work, so I am stuck in the house. Actually, I am quite unhappy because, well, this cuti is for me lahhhhh! But at the same time, I know that he has to do this because he needs to earn money to support us. How can I resist...

The weird part is, my husband is not giving me the green light to explore the market (ehem, the malls) by myself. Aik? Tiba-tiba je...Tak pernah pernah dikongkong sebegini! He said since I am pregnant, it will be quite dangerous for me to wander off by myself. Say whattttt!!!

Whatever....

And because of that, I've spent my morning watching Youtube on the baby essentials and whatnots etc sampai berpinar pinar mata.

Tiba-tiba terpengaruh dengan how much stuff we actually have to buy! Man, all this while, I have underestimated this little person that will totally change our routines!

Speaking of my baby, actually, I sangat-sangat jarang pergi check-up. Next week baru nak appointment and scan yang number 4. Padahal dah pregnant berbulan-bulan. Bukanlah tak excited ke apa, tapi... I memang don't mind. I actually enjoy the part of 'surprise me later, make me wonder'. Nanti dah lahir, boleh lah I tenung dia, ikut muka Mommy ke, muka Daddy...I can admire those ten tiny little fingers and toes, tiny little ears and nose...

I've been having a pretty smooth-sailing pregnancy so far. I am afraid that I'll have a traumatic birth experience. Ye lah...Orang cakap, kalau masa pregnant tak ada alahan, nanti masa nak bersalin susah...

I am not just worried about giving birth though.

I have been living a good life. I somehow always get most of the things I want in my life. I've encountered some obstacles, but nothing so distressing. Orang cakap, kalau Tuhan sayang, mesti banyak cabaran. Hhmm...

I am afraid that my future challenges will be too great for me to handle. Or that, I'll end up having too much luxury in my life that I will forget, just like the Pharaoh who forgot his Creator.

That is very.very scary...

One of the things I hate about living here is how far I am from my hometown. My husband actually goes back to Klang Valley more often than I am! His work is more flexible than mine and I am forever jealous about that.

Hari tu, he wasn't around and I suffered from a very bad haemorrhoid experience. OMG, never in my life, now I know how it feels like. At first, I didn't know it was the haemorrhoid, I thought I was just uncomfortable because of my growing tummy. First timer kan...I had no clue until I bled, so I googled, and found out haemorrhoid is actually common especially in the third trimester. (Nasib baik I pandai sikit, I wasn't freaked out when I saw the bleeding thinking I was in labour or something like that. Kalau tak, malu je pergi Emergency Department kan...)

I was at my 28th week of pregnancy at that time. Terus I nangis nangis because I can't imagine having to endure the pain until my 40th week. Nak duduk tak boleh, nak baring tak boleh, jalan terkengkang kengkang. Oh, lemah sungguh. Haha!

Then, mysteriously, it resolved by itself within a few days- An abrupt ending to a stupid drama.

Sambil bergoogle-google tu, I was curious about sex after delivery. Macam horror je I baca, some people tunggu 10 bulan okay! It's not just the women, it's the men too, especially those who witness the birth, they feel guilty and traumatised because they feel it's their fault making their wives suffer from the labour pain...

I don't want abstinence for months, I mean, I don't want my husband to go stray, but I will soooooo make my husband watch me go through the labour. I don't care, I want him to be next to me, not being able to sleep like me, and I want to claw into his skin when I am in pain. He just has to witness the whole event, I don't care...!!!

Speaking of jalan terkengkang kengkang, actually, now that even though I am pain-free, I am still jalan terkengkang kengkang because my God, this baby is heavy! I also gain weight, so that probably explains the extra lemak between my thighs, it is so uncomfortable when they touch each other, especially when you are sweating. Kalau sujud tu, kaki dah tak rapat.

And the most uncomfortable thing about pregnancy is the vaginal discharge. Benciiii...It's not itchy or anything, it's just...Wet...So unsexy....

Okay, enough female stuff!

Following my previous post, I received quite a number of comments, which made me a little bit excited because I thought now I have more blogs to read. Unfortunately, most of my readers are anonymous people, urgh, you guys disappoint me! And the people's profiles who actually link to actual blogs, well, I already have them listed in my blog roll. Haha!

Oh, well...

The other day, I asked my husband: Do you notice any changes about me during this pregnancy? Am I a horrible person when I am pregnant?

My husband said, "You dah tak marah-marah macam dulu. You lebih banyak bersabar..."

Me: Mana ada I suka marah-marah dulu!
Husband: Ye...Dulu sebelum mengandung, you selalu marah-marah I. Lepas tu, you kuat merajuk...Tapi sejak nak jadi mak ni, dah cool down dah...

Eh, yeke...???

I also complaint a lot. Like, how I am tired, how it is difficult to get up in the morning...My unsupportive husband said, "Eleh, sabar lah sikit, orang lain mengandung pun macam tu jugak..."

Wah, wah, wah...Sedapnye dia bercakap!

So, one night, I pressed his tummy while he was lying down, giving him approximately 2kg force on his stomach, and said, "Abang! Macam ni lah rasanya ada baby dalam perut!"

He went, "Ouch...Abang tak boleh bernafas!" trying to struggle away from me.

"Cuba bayangkan ada 2kg atas perut you, 24 hours a day, for 2 months! Haaa...Macam ni lah rasanya..." Geram punya pasal, I continued pressing his tummy. Baru rasa kan...

A few people have commented that my tummy is small. It is not small. My obstetrician has measured my tummy and scanned my baby, he/ she is actually bigger than expected. Please don't grow so big, baby, mummy wants you to be healthy, but please don't severe my vaginaaa...

Just now, my husband texted me and said he has gained 1kg.
Baru 1kg dah kecoh...
I think it's because I am getting better at cooking, but my husband cakap, "Jangan nak perasan."

He actually blames this pregnant woman's eating habit that's been influencing him.

So, starting from today, he said, no more rice for dinner.

Truth is, I really don't mind, in fact, I am so happy joget hula hula because that means I don't have to cook and I get to rest! Yeay!!!

Oh, and since entering the third trimester, there were already 2 people who complimented on my looks. Baru sekarang pregnancy glow tu nak datang kannnnnnnn...!!!

Better late than never! Major self-esteem booster!
Me: Abang, ada nenek tua cakap I cantik...
Husband: Memanglah isteri abang ni comel...Muka bulat dah sekarang!
Me: I rasa mesti ramai lelaki rasa I cantik tapi tak berani cakap sebab I pregnant...Takkanlah nak puji puji isteri orang kan...
Husband: Eleh, perasan...
Me: Betullah...Mesti lelaki lain cakap, kenapalah perempuan cantik tu nak youuuu...Hahaha...!
Husband: Tak lah, mesti diorang cakap, hebatnya Mr. Ectopy ni, dapat isteri cantik...Respect, respect...!!!

I am so looking forward for June. It's my shopping month and so many meaningful dates to celebrate!

I will be like one of those people who writes about politics and annoy people who don't agree with me.

Anyway...

1)
I still have faith in my country.
So, please stop accusing people of not doing their job.

When the Customs Deputy Director-General Datuk Shaharuddin Ibrahim was murdered, I immediately thought about the wife and children he left behind, how shocked they must be. I even cried a little just thinking that it might even occur to me.

It is scary how easy people can get fire arms and heartlessly shoot a target.

Then, I read about people blaming the police, on how they are not doing their job.

Oh, come on...

That's like blaming the teachers because there is a bad pupil in the class.
That's like blaming the doctors because a patient dies.

Bongok lah.

Then, the election came...Then, they accuse the SPR for not being just.

So, okay, from what I understand, all these people are not doing their job, except for you lah? All these people are not honest, except for you lah?

Some people simply speak their minds without even thinking. Not once they tried to put themselves someone else's shoes.

They don't think about their friends and families who might be one of these poor people, and how they would feel when people simply speculate without knowing what really happened.

Worse, they spread the news making more and more people vulnerable towards hatred.

2)
I would always vote a candidate depending on how well I think he/ she can lead, regardless what party they are representing.

Having said that, I am majorly disappointed that Sarawak might be led by Tan Sri Abdul Taib Mahmud.

He looks like a conman, I don't trust him. Well, I don't think I would trust anybody that age with a wife like that. So annoying!

3)
While other people were busy anticipating for the updates and results of the recent GE13, my husband and I watched MotoGP live.

That race was probably the most intense I've ever seen since I first started watching MotoGP, which was, when I married my husband.

The above was the clash between the young Marc Marquez (he's just 20 years old) and the Lorenzo, competing for the second place at the very last corner of the race, just a few seconds before the finish line.

Lorenzo was really unhappy when he had to settle for the third place, all the while during the race maintaining second position behind Pedrosa.

I'd say Marquez really has guts. He took risks, doing the young and dangerous thing. It was a good race.
Selamba dia je nak bump into a senior kan...My husband said Rossi did that kind of stunt before.

All the top 3 winners were from Spain. Haish, makan apa pandai bawak motor laju-laju ni...

4)
I urge everybody not to sulk. Whether you like it or not, the result is out. So, move on...Stop mourning. There's nothing you can do about the past.

Tak payahlah nak ber rally rally. I'm sure if many participate, it's hard to control the crowd and bad things are bound to happen.

Menyusahkan orang je, nanti jalan jam.

I don't want my country to become like Egypt, okay!

It's better to move forward. This kind of act can paralyse our economy growth. Don't scare away the foreign investors!

I thought we all want our economy to prosper...Show them how stable we are!

By wanting our economy to prosper, that doesn't mean to go as far as 'asking for help from the US'.
What stupidity is this?

First of all, the Americans are not the leaders in this world, second of all, they themselves are really not an honest lot, and last but not least, why are we creating an opportunity for them to take over our country?

Crazy, ah?

5)
I am against racism.

So, please stop speculating dark skin people are Bangladeshi (well, some people rudely call them Bangla). Even my husband could be mistaken if you blindly simply judge his looks.

I, myself, don't look like a Malay, so I am deeply sensitive about this matter.
I, myself, was once a minority, so I know how it feels when people discriminate you.

These people who mindlessly comment about the Bangaladeshis obviously never experienced the pain of having to reside in a country not their own, when the locals keep thinking that you are trying to rob their country.

One of the people I respect on Facebook went to length of commenting about their BO. I lost respect for her immediately.

I mean, if you work as a labour under the hot sun, you would stink too. If you were unfortunately born as a poor person, you wouldn't have so many fresh clothes to change into or you wouldn't be able to afford to buy a deodorant.

If you hate them so much, stop hiring the Indonesian to be your maids. Stop hiring the Bangladeshi to build your houses.

Don't ever think you are above someone else. Always be humble.

Some of this foreign workers married the locals. Not all of them are stupid. Some of them even went to study at University level, but they just can't find jobs in their country. Have you even been to their country and see how much they have to suffer? Do you really think they enjoy coming to Malaysia having to leave their beloved family behind? Dapat pulak boss boss yang pandang rendah pada diorang.

Jadi, tak perlu berlagak sangat, okay. Kau berjaya sikit pun sebab ada orang tolong.

Some of them are more qualified than fellow Malaysians, that when they come to Malaysia, they could build a fortune because they are hardworking. Malu lah sikit.

Kata tak racist, tapi komen memang racist gila. Kata Islamic, habis tu, kau tak rasa some of the Bangaldeshis to orang Islam ke?

6)
Another friend on Facebook, proudly announced that he has been to more than 50 countries and "Malaysia is the worst in terms of fair elections."

Hahahaha!

Seriously, can I just unfriend this guy?

First of all, he had been in more than 50 countries as a tourist, only for a few days at a time, not as a resident, not during their election time, how the hell can he make this 'smart' conclusion without doing any background research?

Second of all, he had to repeat his University year, not once, but twice, and we all probably why he was unable to finish on time (too much travelling), or maybe, we all probably know how he had the time and money to travel to more than 50 countries. Of course, he would say, he has the rights, because itu kan duit rakyat, duit rakyat kan duit dia jugak...Aku bekerja mengumpul duit untuk berfoya-foya...Well, orang suruh belajar, bukan buat kerja lain.

Tolonglah jangan buat statement bodoh, especially bila dah tua-tua ni.

Rolls eyes multiple times.

7)
A lot of people say, "Melayu/ Orang Islam kena bersatu padu."

Betul tu. But I think, it is more accurate to say: Malays need to wake up, stop being lazy, stop spending more than you earn, stop expecting for Bumiputera quotas, stop asking for more subsidies!

Tapi, bila time nak bayar tax, banyak pulak yang mengelat. I don't understand your Mathematics, you want cheaper this and that, but you also don't want to pay for tax. Apa ni?!!! Nak tunggu duit turun dari mana? Orang suruh berniaga to generate economy, kau tak berapa nak yakin pulak. Semua benda nak senang kan?

8)
People are asking for cheaper car rates.

I don't agree. That just means more and more people will buy cars, for their children, the roads will be more and more congested. Oohh, kereta murah, jom beli...! We know Malaysian mentality, selagi dia rasa murah, dia akan beli, tak kesahlah dia mampu ke tak. Menambahkan hutang adalah.

I tak tahan okay!

I will be more than happy if anybody offered to expand our LRT and Komuter rails and system to be more effective and accessible, so to promote public transport.

9)
Went for my antenatal check-up.

Baby's gender is still a mystery. Kali ni dia bersujud pulak. Husband kata, "Bagus anak kita, dia suka sembahyang kot..."

I am now borderline anaemic. Gonna increase my meat intake from now on!

I was at work and saw something unpleasant. So, I made a comment:

Me: Eeee! Siapa yang tak buang karipap basi tu!
Colleague: Mana?
Me: Tu...Dah buruk dah karipap tu. Buang lah...!
Colleague: Hahahaha! Ectopy, tu bukan karipap lah! Tu buah katak puru!

 

Honestly, don't they look like some kind of amateurish karipap?

Okay, I swear that was the first time I heard and saw it in my entire life. OMG, at this age, there are still local fruits out there I don't even know about.

Sedap ke buah ni? Awat berkerutu macam tu?

Of course, my husband laughed at my silliness. To my defence, I have never even seen this being sold at pasar-pasar! Ada ke? Ada keeee???

-----

My husband bought me two kain batik.
He said, "Untuk buat baju raya."

But of cource, that's not convenient since I'm going to pop this baby out around that time, and there's no way I can send the kain tu the tailor with this figure or using my old figure as a guide. My body will change!

But the kain are cantik lah okay.

Me: Abang, thank you! Kenapa Abang belikan I kain ni? (excited)
Husband: Tokey dia ada contact with 'such and such', so I tengah melobi dia lah ni. Investment untuk masa akan datang.

Oh, so that's why I got the kain batik! Not because he loves me, not because he feels like I deserve them, but because ada udang di sebalik batu!

He should've just lied to my face. At least I would feel better about it!

------

May will be a busy month for me. Busy, busy, busy.

Just the thought of it makes me depressed.

One day in April, I couldn't take it anymore, so I cried.

I kept thinking, I am going to have this baby but I don't have time to buy any preparations for the baby yet! When will I ever have the time?
April was too early.
I will be extra busy in May.
I'll probably deliver in July, I'll be probably too breathless to even walk by then.
That leaves me with June only.

Only one freaking month to sort out everything!

And the fact that I might not be allowed to be on the plane by June. How am I going to endure long journeys to Klang Valley?

I plan for a one-week off, so that means speed shopping in just one week.

I felt like a failure. Like I'm a bad mother.

My husband ni pulak relax je. Like, what the hell, don't you love me and our baby!

Menangis menangis I time tu, thinking about other people who religiously apply stretchmark cream every single day while I ni tak pakai apa-apa langsung and thinking about how I don't have any pretty clothes that fit me...

(In retrospect, a Professor told me there's no cream in the world that can prevent stretchmarks, at least not anything is proven to work. And that blogger who applied so many expensive creams to avoid stretchmark every single day during her pregnancy, well, she still got stretchmarks towards the end of her pregnancy. So, let's pray I will miraculously be stretchmark free...)

I also thought about how people at work have been bullying me, they simply chuck me here and there ignoring my current condition...

God, I so hate this place! I hate this place, how many times must I say!

At the same time, I didn't want to be sad and depressed because I want my baby to follow my example, be strong, be patient, be sincere, because we just have to believe there will be a bright light at the end of the tunnel, all this will be paid off in one way or another! Biar Tuhan membalas sikap-sikap mazmumah mereka!

Chewah, semangat!

So, that was my breakdown story.

-----

My boss was right. We have lost our happy place- Facebook.

It's now filled with political talks, from the SAME people over and over again.

Either politics or advertisements.

Sakit hati! Like, sudah-sudahlah tu...

Orang yang berilmu lebih banyak diam. Bila bercakap (dalam kes ni, menulis), biarlah kata-kata yang baik. Yang tak elok tu, lebih baik diam. Diam okay, diam! (Tapi orang yang tak diam ni selalu berlagak like they know it all)

Observe, listen and make decision. You can argue in a healthy way, at a proper place.

Oh, and did you know, I have this one emotional girl in my friendlist. Because of the differences in political views between her and her relatives, then biasalah, ada post-post perli perli with name callings and such, the other party terasa and publicly announce: "Saya takkan memaafkan dia sampai akhirat."
Why are you being so childish!
Then, other family members started to masuk campur and nasihat nasihat, but masing-masing degil. See lah, they get too emotional until clouding their own judgements.

Until today, I blame my friend who is actually friend with her (that's how I got to know her). Like, what sort of friend do you have lah!

I pulak...Well, I never deleted anybody from my friendlist before this. Perhaps I shall start soon.

Serabut.

My happy place has been destroyed...

-----

I had a nightmare.

This time, I didn't cry in my sleep, but I cried right after I woke up because it was so horrible.

In the nightmare, I had to give birth. I didn't see my baby because I had some sort of bleeding or something.

When everything settled, I asked to see my baby. Somehow, my boss was there. He broke the bad news to me, my baby in the ICU fighting for his/ her life.

Then, the doctors counselled me to let my baby go peacefully. But I refused, I want them to do everything they can to make sure my baby stay alive. I don't even care if my baby has brain damage. I could take care of him/ her.

It was horrible. Macam manalah I tak nangis kan...

Well, it was just a nightmare. I'm sure my baby will be okay, InsyaAllah. Yakin pada ketentuanNya.

-----

My husband is a likeable person.
I, on the other hand, am quite an objective type of person. I don't care to please other people.

My husband is friendly, talkative, easily making friends. I am quiet especially around people I don't know.

But, because of this habit, my husband oversees a lot of things. He tends not to double check his mistakes. I ni pulak, memang pantanglah nak buat kerja dua kali...Buang masa, tenaga, wang etc...

For example, hari tu kan, dia belikan I a gold bracelet kan. So, I senyap je lah while he was making jokes with the salespeople. Duit dia kan...I just told him which one I like and wait for the payment to be made. Lagipun, I didn't want to look over excited, I mean, must act like, "Meh, I buy this all the time, biasa je..." Hehe, persepsi orang itu penting.

At home, barulah I start to admire my newly acquired jewellery. Because it's quite expensive, I pun belek-belek the receipt. I realized something didn't add up.

So, I complained to my husband (sambil membebel why lah he's always so careless! No wonder lah exam tak dapat straight As, hahahaha, I can imagine how I will nag my future children regarding their exam marks). Anyway, my husband went back to the shop to clarify those things, and guess what? They had to pay us back RM369!

RM369 is quite a lot for me, okay! I can buy many things with that RM369!

Lepas ni, kalau I beli barang mahal, I will pinch my husband's thigh whenever he starts to be talkative. Stay objective and concentrate, boleh tak? We are spending thousands of ringgit here, helloooo!

And that was not the first time.

I remember, a few years back, before we got married, he bought me an Oris watch, and guess what? The leather strap was not the original Oris strap! I found out because I meticulously inspect the watch (haha, masa tu kena check betul-betul takut boyfriend beli barang tiruan, agak materialistic di situ...Eh, tapi sebenarnya I just had to check because I don't believe in using fake brands, I rasa berdosa sikit.)

Well, because of that incident, I seriously thought he bought me a fake Oris watch, then, he showed me the receipt as prove (oh, sungguh nightmare dapat girlfriend macam ni, apasal lah kau nak kahwin dengan aku! Haha). Then, he marched to the watch shop and demanded for the original leather strap. The shopkeeper bagi alasan apa tau, he said hari tu ada orang nak beli just the leather strap, so he took out the strap and then he forgot to replace it.
Like, what the fuck!

Eeee...Kalau I jadi my husband, I terus lodge police report je...Barang ribu-ribu okay, bukannya murah kau nak tukar tukar macam tu.

Agaknya lah kan, dah berapa banyak lah my husband ni rugi, asyik kena tipu je...Tuh lah, baik sangat...Men simply cannot talk when doing business, men cannot multitask!

Me: Bertuahnya Abang ni, dapat isteri yang pandai...
Husband: You tu berkiraaaaaaa...!!!

Eleh, even if I was calculative, I still bring you profits!

Me: Auww...Sakit belakanglah...Rasa macam dah taknak pregnant dah...
Colleague: Awak dah berapa bulan?
Me: 24 weeks.
Colleague: Saya yang 32 weeks ni lagilah rasa sakit! Nak bangun tidur pun susah...

I feel you...I have started to experience the discomfort of pregnancy especially at my tailbone area. Firstly, I can't lie down in any position I wish, it has to be precise. Finding the precise position is hard and may take hours. And if I found the position I am finally comfortable with, I can't lie down for too long in that position!

Ayoyo...

Last Thursday, I suddenly felt annoyed. Like, really, annoyed, not really sure why, must be the crazy hormones. My husband fetched me from work.

Husband: Yang, nak makan?
Me: Taknak!
Husband: Nak jalan-jalan?
Me: Taknakkkk! I nak gunting rambut! (Annoyed, much)
Husband: Okay...Nak gunting dekat mana?
Me: Mana I tau! Ni bukan tempat I!
Husband: Kita pergi Tesco nak?
Me: Taknak!!! Kan I dah cakap I tak suka tempat tu!
Husband: Habis, nak pergi mana...?
Me: Nak pergi Seng Heng!
Husband: Okay.
Me: Nak pergi dekat Pizza Hut!
Husband: Nak makan pizza?
Me: Bukan!!! Nak pergi kedai gunting rambut dekat Pizza Hut!
Husband: Kedai mana, yang? Abang tak tau...
Me: Pergi je lah!

It was my first time at the saloon. I was very happy with the service and my new haircut. I now have short hair! I felt pretty and it lifted up my mood.

At home,

Me: Abang, tadi I rasa marah. Tapi lepas I gunting rambut, I rasa happy! (Flipped my hair ala Vidal Sassoon Ad)

My husband laughed.

"Thank you, Abang, sebab belanja I gunting rambut," I said, as I hugged him.
I think it's important to show gratitude, especially to the people you love. You tend to forget them the most.

As for me, I actually want to thank my husband for his patience, for putting up with his crazy wife. Tapi tak terkata lah pulak, so thank you for the haircut pun jadilah...Hehehe...

Seriously, I really I can be psychotic sometimes. If I were able to split myself, or, if I were a guy and I got to meet a girl like me, I'd be thinking, "Gilalah perempuan ni! Kalau muka kau cantik, tak apalah jugak!" Yup, definitely something I would say.



Tadi pulak, macam biasa, I was unhappy at work.

My husband ni, macam tau-tau pulak. He called to ask me out for lunch. I protested when he wanted to bring me to eat this type of food that he likes (come on, we've eaten it twice in a week, already!), so we detoured and stopped at this little stall by the road. Simple je, makan nasi dengan sup.

And then he brought me to survey for a gold bracelet.  Husband I cakap, harga emas tengah murah sekarang ni (and it's also all over Facebook, haha). But it was hard to find a parking spot. I was not in the mood, so I said, "Tak apalah, Abang, lain kali pun tak apa..."

But my husband said, "Kita try pusing sekali lagi, kalau tak ada, kita balik."
Rezeki, ada parkinglah pulak...

We bought the bracelet at the first and only shop we entered. Speed shopping during lunch hour, you...Bertuah dapat isteri yang tak cerewet macam I ni...

I returned to my workplace, and tadaaa...More annoyance! At 4.30pm, I received a call ordering me to do a very last minute job. I had to stay back late and continue working at home. (Just finished now)

I called my husband to fetch me. I had a feeling I would vomit my annoyance/ anger on him, but then I reminded myself I need to be sincere in my work. While waiting for him, I thought of how this bracelet can't make me happy. My husband has been so sweet to me, it's unfair for me to make him my dumping ground. Kesian dia...

Nak jadi bidadari di syurga kena selalu senyum senyum depan suami...

Me: Abang! I was unhappy at work! I could only smile after I see youuuu...Just now, I was like this :( but after I saw you, I'm like this :) And after I see my new bracelet, I am like this :D
Husband: Hahahaha! Cantiknya gelang awak tu...
Me: Memang cantik pun! Tengoklah siapa yang pakai...

In a way, I'm kinda glad that seeing my husband's face can make me smile.
Nanti ada baby, lagi I nak senyum luas luas!

Oh, writing this reminds me: Must ask husband the reason he is buying me a bracelet. He's already asleep now. Are we celebrating a special occasion or something?



My husband is not a romantic person. Sometimes, I force him to open the car door for me by sitting in the car until he has to come to my side and open the door for me. Or else, I won't be getting out of the car.

Sekarang, dia dah pandai sikit. Kalau dia teringat, he will open the car door for me (when we are outside about to enter the car).

This happened a few months ago. He fetched me from work. When he saw me, he got out of the car.

I thought, "Wow, sweetnya husband I ni...He's going to open the car door for me in front of these people!"

Instead, he threw his candy wrapper (rubbish) in the thrash can and returned to his driver seat, leaving me just standing there.

I was stunned for a while but didn't want to make a scene, so I went into the car (I opened the car door myself). I couldn't help myself but burst out laughing, I can't believe my husband is so oblivious, he just did what he did!

Me: Abang! I mati-mati ingatkan you keluar kereta tadi sebab nak bukakan pintu kereta untuk I! Rupa-rupanya you nak buang sampah!

Realizing how silly he had been, he laughed too.

Me: Teruklah you ni! Tak romantic langsung! Terkejut I tau...Sampai I kaku kejap tengok perangai you ni! Abang, why you so funny!

Lepas tu, husband I malu sendiri lah...
Hahaha!



Sebenarnya kan, kadang-kadang I takut if I love my husband more than he loves me. Anything can happen kan...

My friend celebrated her parents 30th anniversary. I tried to think where we will be in 28 years time. Wow, we'll be like, old, and probably exceeding the average life expectancy of a Malaysian individual. Siapa suruh kahwin lambat.

Then, I jadi sedih just thinking about how we  might not be able to live together for that long.

Crazy.

I received a string of bad news all at once, that I became depressed for 3 days straight. Finally, the weekend came by and my dear husband surprised me and said, "Lets go to Cameron Highland." I was very excited. The trip was short but it was what I needed to lift up my mood. I was there for 2 days and 1 night, mostly eating whatever I feel like eating. I had to remind my husband that he must buy me flowers. Hish, laki ni, itu pun nak kena disuruh tau...!

Feeling, feeling romantic gitu...But the journey back was torture. It was so obvious my smile had been turned upside down. My heart just dropped.

Hmm...

I hate to use my husband's pendrive. He got it from his brother but benda tu tak suci langsung. One day, I was so annoyed and angry with it, I smashed it to pieces. Coincidentally, there was a pop-up booth at my workplace selling thumbdrives, so I kindly got him a new, cuter one.

 

Comel takkkkk???

One day, my husband called me up, "Yang, mana strawberry abang?"
Strawberry mana pulak ni? I tau kita baru balik Cameron Highland, beli strawberry, but kita share strawberry tu, and the strawberries are always in the fridge.

Me: Ha? Strawberry abang?
Husband: Haa...Ye lah...Pendrive yang you belikan tu...Mana dia?
Me: Abang! Itu bukan strawberry, itu Spiderman!

OMG! Hahahaha...!
Suami I ni memang confirm mata keyro...
You guys tau tak mata keyro tu apa? I tak tau lah the exact spelling macam mana, but my husband ni memang habit dia, kalau benda depan mata, dia tak nampak. Kalau Arwah bapa I dulu, dia cakap, "Haa...Mata tu letak kat bontot ke!"

Seriously, kalau cari parking ke, jangan lah bagi dia cari seorang, confirm tak akan jumpa punya, padahal ada je...

Spiderman vs strawberry

Speaking of strawberries, I've recently discovered the joy of frozen strawberries. Biasalah, bila tamak beli strawberry, tapi bila sampai rumah macam dah tak cantik pulak. Cepat-cepat frozen kan, so tahan lama. Crunchy pulak tu bila makan...Nyum...

I am all okay now. Mother and her entourage (my aunts) came to visit. That was fun. Diorang borong pemanggang ajaib, sampai I pun terpengaruh, Tapi tak testing lagi tu, betul ke ajaib?

I also manage to settle a debt, thanx to my husband sebab banyak tolong (tapi I pun tolong dia banyak jugak!). Lega sikit. So sekarang ni, kena concentrate on my study debt je, which is, banyakkkk lagi tu...And also, probably in the future, I want to buy my own house, then my life would be complete.

That's the beauty of God's plans. I got bad news, but rupa-rupanya rezeki I is to be able to settle a debt. Quite an achievement, eh?

My boss used to preach on how it is more peaceful when you are debt-free. Boss I kan ala-ala ustadz gitu...So he said, the best Hajj he had ever been to was when he went there without a debt. Masa tu, dia dah habis bayar rumah, kereta, dengan gaji bibik sekali dia dah set aside.

Which I think is kinda true lah...Like, sometimes, it doesn't make sense to buy expensive things when you have debts. And, apa guna duit banyak-banyak dalam bank, dalam ASB, ASN, etc, but you delay-delay bayar hutang kan. Gunalah to langsaikan hutang tu, then you'll know where you stand, whether you can afford something or not. But I do agree, if we want to wait until we accumulate enough money, it may take forever, but in that case, fine, take whatever loan you need, just that, I encourage people to pay their debts early especially when they can, instead of spending on other things.

And please, please don't take more than what you deserve. Contohnya, duit BR1M tu, kalau dah tak layak nak dapat, kenapa masih ambil juga? Itu kan hak orang-orang yang kurang mampu...

Baby has started to kick. My body is becoming heavier and heavier. I have less energy. Nak mandi pun I prefer to sit on a stool. Sebab I ni mandi lama...Hehehe...Kadang-kadang I suruh husband I mandikan, tapi beliau tu tak romantic...Dia scrub-scrub badan I pastu dah. Takde pun adegan lain...

Tapi bagus jugak mandi sambil duduk ni. Sekarang ni kan musim panas. I ni jenis malas nak adjust adjust water heater tu, so bila duduk, air tu bearable lah, sejuk sikit...Lepas tu, ada satu time ni, I ter slip and jatuh ke lantai sebab licin. Nasib baik I was on a stool, so the impact wasn't too great. But drama mesti adaaaa...Hahaha...

My husband was asleep, so I pun, "Abang! I jatuh...!" Hah, terus bangun to check me out like a superhero. Barulah rasa disayangi...Hehehe...

I am still working like usual. Perhaps, too much that I felt like I was leaking. But it was only that one time that it occurred. But, boy, was I anxious. I asked around, my colleague said I should wear a pad to confirm. It was dry. But two days after, my baby became less active, so I quickly went to see a doctor to do a check-up. All sorts of things went through my mind, risaunya yang amat. After Mommy had been reassured that everything was okay...Barulah I sedar, inikah namanya a Mother's instinct? I am already a Mother to my unborn child, OMG, how wild is that! Dalam perut pun dah buat Mommy risau ni...

Gender is still unknown sebab baby mengepit je kerja...

I still haven't bought anything for the baby. Teruk kan? Setakat survey sikit-sikit je...Actually, I didn't even survey. I tengok orang guna, I pun nak juga. Basically, I am just a copycat. You guys should really put up more things up on your blogs so I can copy, okay...Teruk betul. Bila I baca blog orang-orang yang, you know, research habis-habisan, buat I rasa rendah diri je...

Untuk diri sendiri pun I tak beli! Still wearing the same clothes. Some might say I choose the approach of flaunting my belly, but no...The truth is, I can't find nice maternity clothes lah!

Tak apa, jangan compare dengan orang lain. What I know

- I nak sedaya upaya breastfeed my baby, at least 3 months (during my maternity leave)
- I tanak beli stroller dulu. Yang penting, I nak babysling tu.
- I tak kesahlah I ni bersalin biasa je, bersalin dengan epidural ke, bersalin operation ke, yang penting baby okay. Depending on how my body could take it. Siapa kata bersalin operate tu takde rasa sakit melahirkan? Walaupun masa baby keluar tu tak rasa sakit, tapi nak jaga luka jahitan tu tetap sakit...Tak kisah bersalin apa-apa cara sekalipun, ia tetap sakit bersalin, dan tetap sakit bertarung nyawa!
- Dan yang paling penting, I believe in vaccination and no doubt in my mind I will vaccinate my baby. Haaa...Yang ini I research sikit-sikit. Hehe.

Pasal berpantang, tak fikir lagi. My husband's friend's mother could give a contact to a Makcik berpantang. According to her, she will take care of you and the baby (including cooking, massage, bathing, etc) for one month, for RM2000.

I was like, "Hoi, mahalnya!"
My husband boleh backing Makcik tu, "Eh, dia buat semuaaa...Okaylah tu!"

Tak payah fikir panjang-panjang, I immediately rejected his idea. "First of all," I said, "I nak mandikan anak I sendiri. Kenapa nak bagi orang mandikan pulak? I nak bonding dengan baby I!" Chewaahh...Mommy is very protective haaa...

Secondly, I don't want a stranger in my house for a month, touching my body, she might even touch my husband too. Kang tiba-tiba jadi meroyan pulak kang...Paranoid nye Miss Ectopy ni!

(Cakap besar sekarang, tengok-tengok nanti, tak larat nak handle sorang-sorang)

And...RM2000 tu mahal lah!

We can manage...We are not fancy people, we don't need fancy stuff...

Last but not least...Korang baca tak blog http://www.crappypictures.com
I dah khatam dah...!

Okay, cerita dah panjang dah. Bye.

Since being pregnant, I have had my fair shares of outbursts.

Like the time when my husband was busy for a month. Well, he promised it would only take one whole month (weekends included), but then, it got extended to two more weeks. I was very patient and supportive at first, but one night, he came home late, so I cried and cried like a baby. I really felt like I was being neglected. But, me being me, I am easy to console. Within minutes of coaxing, I was able to smile again.

Plus, my husband was sweet, I couldn't stay mad at him and...It was probably one of the mengada-ngada thing going on.

Today, I broke down again. The difference is, I am really sad about it. Not just because I am pregnant and needing the attention.

I was actually attending a course. Tuh lah, siapa suruh gatal tangan pergi online masa tengah kursus kan. I received good news actually. The only probably was: me not being the recipient. As much as I am happy for my friends, but I am also equally sad for my own self.

So far, for the past few months or so (or was it a year?), whenever I feel depressed and decide to write it down in this blog, it is always related to the same matter.

I am so weak. I thought about it for a while, and I started to have blurry vision from the tears pooling in my eyes. While listening to the presentations! I had to pretend cough, and wipe off the tears. The course finally ended, and I still cried while walking.

I told my husband about it. As usual, he never really gets why I want this so much. Balik rumah, tulis blog lah. Heh.

So, this is what failure tastes like. This is what rejection feels like.

Not that I am saying I never failed before. Sure, I have failed in exams and such before, but no biggie, nothing that will affect my life much. But this is something I really want. I really need. This should be my stepping stone.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I need to fail to succeed. You and I can tell myself all these feel good quotes. But just let me have a space to mourn. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I feel like I am being left behind. Sure, you can argue there are many others in the same boat. "There will be another opportunity," my husband said. But within my circle of friends, among those who are close to me, I am behind. This is not a race, you'd say. But it is important to me. Even if it was a race, it isn't over yet, you are still in it, you'd day. But I am just still at the starting line.

And I have no other than myself to blame. And my husband, of course. Kesian, my husband. Such a sweet man, tapi selalu menjadi mangsa I. Hehe. (See, I am just writing Hehe so I wouldn't cry at this moment, but I still do)

This is the price to pay for being ambitious. I am not comfortable to be comfortable at where I am right now. Do you get it? This can never be enough for me, it's just my nature.

Okay, stop. This is becoming too depressing.

Instead of dwelling, why don't I talk about random things!

(It's funny how I still tend to conceal my emotions even when I am writing anonymously)

-----
Anyway,

I still haven't felt my baby kicks yet. Well, sometimes I feel very subtle movements in my tummy, but I am not sure. Or is it because my baby is a girl, that's why the baby is so shy and polite? But we really want a boy our my first! Just because there are already too many girls around in my family! Haha.

-----

A few months ago, I tested my husband and asked him, "Abang, am I a good wife? Do you think I am good wife?"

I was preparing for the worst, but he simply said, "Yes, you are a good wife, I love you," without hesitation.

He still doesn't know how happy I am to hear those words.

Deep down, I realize I ACTUALLY am not a good wife. My husband could've said,
You are lazy to _____ (cook/ wash clothes/ sweep and mop the floor/ press my clothes/ fold clothes)
When you cook, it tastes awful.
You always cook the same meals over and over again.
You always yell at me.
You rarely visit my parents.
You are not a good Muslim.
You are a stubborn wife.
You have a bad temper.
You are demanding.
etc.

But he did not.
So, yeay, husband!
Bliss.

-----

We don't have a TV in our room. It's in the living room. Sometimes, or more accurately, most of the times, we fall asleep in the living room. My husband usually sleeps earlier.

His body is like a buffet spread for the mosquitoes. I pun pelik. The mosquitoes don't attack me, even though I leave my skin exposed for them to feast on.

Instead of trying to watch TV programmes, I am always distracted to save my husband from the tiny monsters. Hinggap dekat tapak kaki, hinggap dekat his nose bridge, terbang-terbang dekat his hair...Ada tu sampai syok sangat hisap darah, I easily kill them.

The mosquitoes are simply attracted to my husband, I don't understand!

Sometimes, my husband complaints, "Banyaknya nyamuk!" but I couldn't agree because I don't feel it. He wants to spray Ridsect, but I said No because I am pregnant. We bought the natural repellent, but that don't work too well.

-----

My husband and I were in the elevator. Sekali ada lipas dalam tu. Shocked, I screamed! Memang traumatised lah, now I can imagine being stuck in a small space with a cockroach which can enter your body cavities. Eeekk!!!

Did I ever tell you I don't like cicak, lipas and creepy crawlies?

Lepas tu, my husband stepped on it- dead.

Me: Abang! You tak boleh bunuh binatang lah, nanti terkenan!
Husband: Eh, tu kalau haiwan macam kucing ke, anjing ke...Lipas tak kira...

Then, I thought about all the mosquitoes I had killed.
I won't stop killing the mosquitoes though. I get some kind of satisfaction. I collect the deceased and hope the others would be scared of the consequences.

But I guess their brains are too small to develop cause and effect thinking.

-----

Not all my clients are horrible. Some of them are polite and sweet. Only a handful who are crazy. But I tend to remember and talk about the crazy ones. Who doesn't?

Usually, I really hate the self-proclaim VIPs. They are the worst. Padahal a mere commoner je. But just because they know so and so, jadi besar kepala pulak. Selalu guna ayat, "Saya kenal so and so, jangan ingat saya orang biasa!" (tapi dia memang orang biasa) or "Saya punya jiran punya makcik punya menantu kerja sebagai tukang kebun so and so." Haha! Tapi so and so (the VIP), would sometimes suddenly berjiwa rakyat and meddle!

Some actual VIPs abuse the power and use it all the time! That's annoying too. Especially when nobody dares to go against them, my bosses included. Semua tunduk je...

Some VIPs and some VVIPs are very humble. I like this type. They are quiet, they don't ask too much, as if they know everything, they don't make you uncomfortable, they don't call you up personally and ask personal favours (like we don't have anything else to do) and they don't make scenes. There's still hope, people!

Some are really sad cases that make me cry. They are really poor and whenever I see these people, I am not only glad with what I have, I am also very glad that I don't own too much. How could I live with the fact that I have this much, while other people suffer.

Please donate more to the needy.

Ada 5 orang adik beradik. The eldest is just 15 years old. The youngest being 5 years old. Recently yatim piatu. Nak suruh  pakcik yang bela. Tapi pakcik pun miskin. Pakcik kerja siang. Jadi budak-budak ditinggalkan saja di rumah. I don't know how's the future for them will be like.

Ada satu keluarga. The only one who works is the eldest boy, serving the army. Bapa kena stroke. Mak kerja jual kuih. Yang tinggal dekat rumah jaga bapa is the 14 year-old. First of all, how much can you expect from a 14 year-old taking care a stroke man? Dia pergi mainlah. Second of all, because he was assigned to take care of his father, so, dia tak pergi sekolah lah!
I wonder, what is the minimum qualification to be in the army. Do they accept PMR holders?

Ada 5 orang adik-beradik. Parents dah separate. Mak baru meninggal. Yang paling tua umur 24 tahun, bekerja sebagai buruh. Adik paling kecik umur 6 tahun. Tengok rupa dan pakaian pun I dah tahu betapa daif nya mereka ni. Sedih tau.

Ada pakcik tua. Miskin sebab asyik kena kikis dengan anak penagih dadah. Nangis nangis dia cerita.

Ada pakcik tua, Anak dia penghidap HIV yang sedang sakit tenat. Tapi sangat terharu tengok cara pakcik tu jaga anak dia. Punyalah macam menatang minyak yang penuh. Padahal I am sure anak dia tu banyak dosa dengan pakcik tu. At first, I thought, how could you still manjakan this boy who disappointed you? Tapi in the end, I yang jeles because I know that boy will eventually die in his father's redha.

-----

Fine. Syukur.

Somebody posted on Facebook:

"An average human can stand 45unit of pain. But during labour, a woman must endure 57unit of pain. That's like 20 bones are broken at the same time."

Nooooooo! Why must you tell me this! I don't need to know! Now, my mind has 90% made up- I am so gonnan use epidural.

I've never had a broken bone before, but I know how painful it is! Urgh, I can feel it even just by looking at someone suffering from it. Apatah lagi going through it myself...!

Nowadays, I mostly eat the food provided at my workplace. This is a combination of laziness to walk to the cafe and the not-so appealing choices of food sold in the cafe. Okay, so, the food served for free at my workplace is not exactly appetizing either, but at least I don't need to pay for something I don't like.

So, this staff of mine somehow always see me eating the free food. She said, "Saya seronok tengok Miss Ectopy berselera nak makan. Tak macam tengah mengandung pun. Ada orang tu, kalau mengandung, mesti cerewet..."

I went on telling her that I don't really have cravings and my husband is lucky to have a not-so-demanding wife.

And then, she said if I went through a smooth pregnancy, it is likely I will have a painful labour. That's just how it is. Say whattt!!!

Before this, I already knew I was not popular among my staffs. I don't ask them personal questions, and they don't do small talks with me. I don't have any problem with that, because I think I practice professionalism. When I meet them outside of work, I acknowledge them, but I don't go wave and stop and talk to them, especially to the guys. I have enough guy friends, the least I can do is 'menjaga pandangan' lah. Haha, this is just me and concious lah okay. Karang I over friendly dengan semua orang, nanti orang cakap I ni tak pandai jaga laki pulak.

So, anyway, because of this attitude, I was perceived as fierce, serious and unapproachable. I think it's strange, because I rarely scold people. Okay, I scold people but I don't go crazy. Like, I'd scold when necessary only. My colleague said, she once found out that a staff needed to call me for something, but she got so scared.

The truth is, my other colleagues are more garang than me! But I guess, when you are quiet, you punye aura garang tu macam overfelt. Haha. Sebab I rasa I ni bukan garang jerit jerit, tapi more of garang tapi pedas menusuk kalbu punya style.

Whatever.

One day, I was with my boss. Then, I called someone, and instead, I got scolded. I felt indifferent about it. But, my boss told my other colleague, "Hari tu, Ectopy call orang ni, pastu orang tu marah dia pulak. Ectopy ni, sejak mengandung, jadi lembut pulak. Saya ingat, Ectopy nak marah balik orang tu!"

I was like, "What! Boss boss kita pun ingat I ni garang sangat ke! Mana ada...!!!"

Hish, suka hatilah.

Walaubagaimanapun...

I think yesterday was the most garang I've ever been, ever ever!

My patience was really tested. I pun mengamuk lah. I had an emergency, when I called my staff for help, only a few available, the rest was missing in action, when in fact, they should be on standby all the time. Lepas tu, buat kerja lembab nak mampus! Lepas tu, when I kindly communicate in Malay, pandai-pandailah you translate to English to write the report. But nooo, the report jadi huru hara and I had to actually sit down with them and spit the words one by one. Baik I hire a secretary je lah! Seriously, macam budak tadika 5 tahun. IQ berapa lah tu agaknya...Geram sangat sangat sangat.

Today, I told my husband about it and hope noone would curse me and my baby. I really hope they realize they deserved my scoldings because seriously, their quality of work is nothing to be proud of.

And I hope words go around about my explosion last night. Don't you think you can mess with me and not give your very best when you work with me.

I sudah pun menjadi isteri yang garang tapi manja. Adakah I akan jadi mak yang garang?

Since I have a bit of free time, might as well I jot something down, even though they are random and there's really nothing on my mind right now.

I notice every time after I did an overtime, I would feel nauseous, or I would vomit, even though I think, I already moved on from that phase. Occured only when I did an overtime, even if I wasn't so busy! I guess Baby doesn't like Mommy to work so much. But Mommy has to, dear...

Thinking back, during my early years in this profession, I did overtime 7-8 times per month at least, which was quite normal to me. It didn't affect me much, even socially. Mother always wondered how can I still be energetic most of the time. I still don't know how I did it. Must be because I used to stay at home where laundry and my meals were being taken care of.

Nowadays, I am so sick of it. The funny thing is, it is less busy now since I've moved up the career ladder and changed work place. Tapi kenapa...Semangat yang hilang...

I still remember, about 4 months after I started working, I really enjoyed the responsibilty. I was like a SuperWoman. One day, I was doing work all by myself, noone helped me even though there were tonnes to do. I didn't ask for help, because to me, I don't need to, if they were nice enough, they would help me because I always helped them. Karma tells me I should get back what I give.

So, nobody helped me. But my hard work didn't go unnoticed. My boss saw my struggle, so she gathered us in a room, and she questioned them one by one, what they were doing, when they saw me working so hard.

At last, I kindly defended them, I said, "It's not their fault, Boss, I was the one who didn't ask for help."

My boss stood there, quiet, then she said clearly, "This is the kind of friend you want to keep for the rest of your life."

Chewaaahh...!

She said, "Even though you guys did not help her, she still does not blame you. Shame on you!"

Then she got emotional and she told us about her mother and how she was once treated.

This boss was known to be as one of the most fierce/ most strict around. Since that day, she was always so nice to me. That night, she even gave me an hour off to freshen up and scolded my staff for burdening me with even the tiniest thing.

Sekarang ni, eeee...Tak kuasa aku nak tolong orang yang tak tolong aku. I know it's bad lah, tak boleh lah nak revenge revenge kan, but enough bullying me! Boss dekat sini tengok on paper je pun, bukan dia fikir kita buat kerja macam mana...Tak consider pun kita tak minat ke, tengah pregnant ke, kereta takde ke, risiko tinggi ke, main campak-campak orang, pastu main pilih pilih orang. Tak sukaaa!!!

It's so bad that sometimes I wish I'd get so ill or I'd get into an accident so that I don't have to come for work, or, I would deliver early so I can leave this place altogether. But if I deliver early, that means my baby would be premature, so, don't want that to happen...

A few days ago, my colleague said, "Eeee...Kalau kau kerja situ, banyak Cina! Pastu Cina ni pandang rendah dekat kau. Masa aku pergi kursus hari tu pun, semua Cina. Aku rasa kerdilnya aku ni..."

Pastu ramai lah yang angguk angguk.

See, more reasons to get out from this place!
I've worked in a multiracial environment before, and never in my life that I felt that I was being looked down at. In fact, I still keep in touch with my Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues/ friends from my previous workplace. And, we still hate the same Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner colleagues, not because of his/ her race, but because of the attitude. Kalau dah lazy, kerja tah apa-apa, berlagak pulak tu, mestilah mazmumah dan patut dibenci kan...

Perhaps people look down on you not because you are a Malay, but because of your mentality, have you ever thought about that?

The boss who defended me (as told above) was an Indian lady. The colleagues who didn't help me (as told above) were Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/ foreigner.

Buktikan yang kita boleh, bukan stuck di zon selesa. Takde kena mengena dengan bangsa, unless you are indeed a racist.

To me, working in a multiracial environment is better, because indirectly, I would feel a sense of responsibility not to embarass my race/ religion. Jadi, kita pun become a better person.

-----

Haha! Kelakar lah I ni.

My zon selesa tetap di Klang Valley. I tell you to get out from your comfort zone, but I myself insist to return to my comfort zone.

I tell you, have you ever thought why look down on you, is it because of your mentality. Well, maybe, here, people target ME because of MY mentality. I am not conservative, maybe that's why they don't like me. ( I don't even know for sure if they really don't like me, or is it just a feeling I have)

Kan dah kena batang hidung sendiri.

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Oh, well.

I ada pasang niat tau. Kalau lah satu hari nanti I dapat tukar tempat kerja, dengan izin suami, I think I will don the tudung. Haven't told anyone yet, except here. So, it's our secret okay. My husband pun tak tau. Bukan nazar, sebab takut tak dapat nak ditunaikan, but, a resolution.

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All my life, I've had people mistaken my race. Cuma kebelakangan ni makin menjadi-jadi pulak.

The funny thing is, I also had staff who think I am other than Malay. Banyak kali sampai I question them, " Saya cakap Melayu tak cukup fasih ke sampai orang ingat saya ni bukan Melayu?"

Lainlah zaman dulu when I used more English than Malay to converse. Fine, logiklah kalau nak confuse pun. But nowadays, I rarely speak English. Sangat sangat rare...

My colleagues would come to me and tell stories, for example, how a staff was stunned when she overheard the conversation between us: Kenapa ucap salam dekat Miss Ectopy?!

So, my colleague said, "Ectopy, kalau satu hari kau pakai tudung, mesti budak-budak ingat, Miss Ectopy dah masuk Islam. Hahahaha!"

And that is, my friend, the reason why I want to start covering my hair in a new place.

I've written before about my husband's habit who likes to menggesel gesel his legs against mine to sleep. Now, I know sometimes he does it unconciously, thinking I am some kind of bolster. Tapi memang ngilu bila tulang sama tulang bergesel okay.

One night, instead of menggesel, he menghempas hempas his legs on my legs. It was painful! So, I annoyingly scolded him, "Abang! Sakit!"

The next morning, he sent me to work. Yeah, I don't go to work by myself anymore, dasar manja pemalas guna alasan pregnant...Anyway, I was in the car and I asked him, "Kenapa you hempas hempas kaki you malam tadi? Sakit tau!"

"Actually, Abang mimpi Abang tengah lemas..."

HAHAHAHA!

Then, I thought about it, he did look like he was drowning! Gaya terkapai kapai di tengah lautan. No wonder his legs and arms were flying everywhere!

Sort of like this, but with eyes closed, body flat on the bed:



Many think the above video is cute and funny.

I did, at first, but it got scary.

What the hell is in this song that make this kid go crazy!

He was hypnotized, possessed, like some kind of mind control going on...Someone should study this and produce a research paper.

I am never familiarising my baby with this song!

Speaking of my baby, yeah, I am only 14 weeks but my bump is already showing. It's scary because I am getting big so fast, I think it must be the ice that I munched on. Tuh lah, degil tanak ikut pantang larang kan...

I thought I was over reacting, you know, overly sensitive about the size of my own body. But one day, while waiting for my husband to fetch me, my staff said, "Miss, miss! Miss pregnant ke?"

Me: Yeah, I am. Dah nampak ke?
Staff: Ye lah, dah nampak dah...Miss dah berapa bulan?
Me: Baru 3 bulan setengah. Dah lah baru first baby. Biasanya kalau first baby, sampai 6 bulan baru nampak kan...
Staff: Tak jugak...Ikut orang...

See? People do notice. Because I make it more noticeable by walking slowly like how a pregnant woman should walk.

That reminds me of the time when I was late to the airport at 13 weeks of pregnancy. With my wheely luggage, I ran, I ran to the baggage drop counter, I ran to the body scan machine, I ran to the waiting area...In high heels! Oh, my God, I ran like I wasn't pregnant, fully aware that I was pregnant and had faith in my baby that my baby is strong enough, hang in there, baby. Alhamdulillah, nothing happened. When my husband found out, he was so angry.

My staff yang tolak trolley pun dah ada spotting. So, I am very, very glad nothing happened to us.

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I did my first scan at a government centre. I read a blog, the writer did the same thing. But she said the nurse even inspected her nipples and told her that she had inverted nipples.

Nobody inspected mine!

I hope I don't have inverted nipples. My nipples are pointy, like large Tic Tacs, very suitable for suckling, I hope. I mean, how would I know! I don't go around watching my friends' naked bodies, and I certainly don't watch porns!

Suddenly teringat dekat my friend. Whose sister wanted her to help shave her sister's down under. Her sister was too big and round to see anything below the belly, and too embarassed to ask her husband to shave it for her. So, her sister asked my friend instead.

But why!

Of course, I understand, you have to shave, you don't want the doctor to see a forest down there, that's disgusting, especially if it smells.

When the time comes, I will ask my husband to do it. Not my sister. No!